Molti progetti sulle emozioni sono finalizzati a far conoscere al bambino le emozioni ma, a mio avviso, non è sufficiente.

Benissimo, io bambino so che quello che sento è rabbia, ed ora che devo fare? Come la gestisco?

Da molti anni porto nelle scuole un progetto di Educazione all’Affettività per educare, appunto, il bambino sia a riconoscere le proprie emozioni sia, soprattutto, a gestirle.

In questo articolo mi soffermo sul sentimento legato alla rabbia.

Iniziamo con il definire la rabbia. La rabbia è un’emozione legata ad una disorganizzazione del sé che porta ad un livello di sovraeccitamento tale da sentire il bisogno incontrollato di scaricarla fisicamente o verbalmente.

Una volta un bambino mi disse che, quando veniva sgridato ingiustamente dalle maestre o dalla mamma, sentiva dentro un vulcano bollente che partiva dalla pancia e saliva e che gli faceva male fino a che non buttava fuori questa cosa, come fa il vulcano quando scoppia e butta fuori il fuoco. Ciò accade perché bambini arrabbiati comunicano la rabbia che sentono attraverso termini come, appunto, vulcano, incendio, terremoto, tsunami.

Quali sono le circostanze che stimolano una risposta rabbiosa nel bambino?

Partendo dal presupposto che, specialmente nella fascia d’età legata alla prima infanzia, il bambino tende al porsi, sia positivamente che negativamente, al centro del mondo, una risposta rabbiosa può avere tanti perchè:

  • carenza di una relazione educativa efficace all’interno della famiglia: i genitori sono troppo impegnati nelle loro professioni per prendersi effettivamente cura del proprio figlio. Il bambino può percepire questo disinteresse come un senso di inadeguatezza: “se i miei genitori non hanno piacere di stare con me evidentemente io non valgo abbastanza da meritare la loro attenzione”
  • frustrazione di un momento piacevole disatteso: un bambino che attende, da tanto, qualcosa che soddisfi il suo bisogno di piacere, ma poi si ritrova “ a bocca asciutta”, potrebbe non essere in grado di gestire questa tensione se non con l’aggressività
  • frustrazione da carenza di libertà di azione: per un bambino la restrizione della libertà può assumere diverse forme, quella più frequente è un comando che gli impone di NON fare qualcosa. In particolare genitori, educatori ed insegnanti che dedicano poco tempo all’ascolto e al gioco, che non attuano situazioni di rinforzo positivo (in termini di apprezzamento e valorizzazione), finiscono per avere bambini arrabbiati o spaventati
  • timore dell’educatore/insegnante: quando il bambino percepisce, in classe, un clima non accogliente, quando la sua figura di riferimento a scuola è percepita come troppo autoritaria e distante, allora il bambino può attuare dei meccanismi di difesa che sfociano in episodi di aggressività.

 Quali sono le reali cause della rabbia?

Vediamone alcune:

  1. Bisogno profondo, disperato, non ascoltato: se un bambino che sta soffrendo non viene ascoltato per molto tempo, inizierà ad attuare dei comportamenti finalizzati ad attirare attenzione sulle sue emozioni. Il bambino inizierà ad affidare il suo disagio al pianto, agli urli, unico mezzo che conosce per tirare fuori qualcosa che gli fa male dentro ma che non comprende.
  2. Genitore ad intermittenza: un genitore presente in modo altalenante può produrre, nel bambino, sentimenti di ansia da attesa e sentimenti di frustrazione nel momento in cui quell’attesa viene, appunto, disattesa. Un modello educativo relazionale di questo tipo, consolidato durante l’infanzia, di percezione di amore alternata a rifiuto, darà, nelle sue relazioni future, lo stesso schema
  3. Perdita (separazione) di una figura di riferimento: se un bambino ripone la propria fiducia in qualcuno e quel qualcuno dovesse venire a mancare, per vari motivi, il bambino percepirebbe questa situazione come un tradimento. Tale sensazione di abbandono potrebbe portare ad episodi di rabbia.

Quali tipologie di strategie educative possono risultare efficaci in queste situazioni?

Nel corso del mio articolo sono partita dal presupposto che un bambino “rabbioso” diventa tale perché non ha gli strumenti per poter spiegare ciò che prova.

Si scatenerà la rabbia quando la voce della madre o dell’educatrice non avrà un tono empatico e consolatorio da fargli capire che il suo dolore è ascoltato, quando chiederà un abbraccio e quell’abbraccio gli verrà negato o, ancor peggio, percepito come freddo e non consolatorio.

La rabbia dovrà essere sfogata perché non imploda, in un ambiente di apprendimento protetto, controllando che il bambino non faccia male a sé stesso oppure ai compagni.

Deve essere, quindi, l’adulto di riferimento a dare voce a ciò che il bambino ha dentro, attraverso il dialogo. Il bambino ha bisogno di sentirsi compreso, accettato, di sentire che ciò che lui prova lo provano anche gli altri, visto che sono in grado di capirlo, di usare le parole per descrivere ciò che lui sente.

Il contenimento dovrà avvenire, ribadisco, attraverso il dialogo, relegando il contatto fisico solo al momento in cui l’educatrice/insegnante dovesse ravvisarne la necessità e, in ogni caso, in un momento finale rispetto al dialogo: solo in quel caso l’abbraccio potrà essere veramente tranquillizzante, consolatorio, empatico e percepito come catartico da parte del bambino.

Attuando questa dinamica educativa il bambino potrebbe man mano diminuire questi episodi di ira, trovando, da subito, prima di esplodere, rassicurazione nell’abbraccio dell’educatrice/maestra, in ottica di contenimento.

 

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