Quando scelsi l’argomento della mia tesi di laurea, 20 anni fa, “Analisi antropologica della crisi del matrimonio e della famiglia in Italia oggi”, lo feci per dare voce alla tipologia di famiglia che avevo creato io stessa, una famiglia di tipo monogenitoriale, che, allora, rappresentava un’eccezione.

Ora voglio parlare dell’aspetto educativo nella nuova famiglia, un oggi decisamente più attuale dell’oggi a cui mi rivolgevo ai tempi della mia tesi.

La famiglia, causa mutamenti sociali ed economici legati al mondo occidentale, ha assunto, via via, nel corso del Novecento, una connotazione, prevalentemente, affettiva, diventando una dimensione legata, innanzitutto, all’intimità tra aduli e alla cura dei figli.

Al modello educativo del passato, di tipo etico-normativo, orientato a formare buoni cittadini per la società, ha fatto seguito, nell’età moderna, un modello educativo basato sui valori affettivi che, tra i suoi obiettivi, si propone quello di costruire buone relazioni e perseguire la realizzazione personale.

Cosa si intende, quindi, oggi, per famiglia?

Un tratto caratteristico importante della condizione della famiglia attuale è che, di base, è costituita da esigenze affettive e sentimenti individuali più che da vincoli istituzionali esterni, definiti socialmente (in primis, il matrimonio). Sono gli individui stessi che si auto-definiscono famiglia, nella misura in cui si sentono uniti da forti vincoli affettivi e fanno di essi la base su cui fondare il proprio progetto di vita.

Le famiglie si distinguono in nucleari, quando sono composte dai genitori e dai loro figli, o estese quando sono composte da famiglia nucleare e da altri parenti acquisiti.

Alle famiglie con presenza di genitori separati si aggiungono le famiglie “ricostituite”, cioè quelle famiglie nate dall’unione di due persone, a loro volta con figli propri e le “coppie di fatto”, comprese le coppie omosessuali, che lottano per il riconoscimento di diritti legali equiparabili alle famiglie tradizionalmente intese.

Sul piano dell’educazione la missione principale dei genitori è quella di assicurare alle nuove generazioni la possibilità di esprimere le potenzialità personali e di perseguire desideri e progetti.

Nella famiglia affettiva contemporanea i ruoli del padre e della madre si sono nettamente modificati: il padre, in passato, doveva reprimere ed incanalare gli istinti selvaggi del bambino (non a caso, ai tempi di Rousseau, l’educazione doveva essere impartita dal padre e non dalla madre), mentre oggi quello del padre è un ruolo di guida e di supporto nello sviluppo del bambino; la madre, impegnata, ormai, quasi sempre, in attività lavorativa oltre che nella tradizionale attività di “accudimento”, è diventata promotrice di una precoce autonomia dei figli, a partire dall’inserimento al nido fin dai primi mesi di vita.

Nella famiglia di oggi i genitori vedono i loro figli non più come “contenitori vuoti da riempire di nozioni e regole”, come “tabula rasa”, ma come soggetti partecipi delle interazioni, individui con capacità e potenzialità, ritmi e necessità naturali da ascoltare e rispettare.

I genitori si relazionano con i loro figli riconoscendo loro un valore interlocutorio e, quindi, attraverso il dialogo pacifico e affettuoso e non tramite imposizione di regole e divieti di cui non apprezzerebbero l’importanza poiché non ne capirebbero, appunto, il valore.

Ai bambini viene fatto decidere come vestirsi, cosa mangiare, come giocare, nella convinzione che egli possa gradualmente cominciare a manifestare la propria natura e la propria personalità. L’azione educativa promossa dai genitori si configura, quindi, come un “tirare fuori” dai figli l’intenzione di aderire alla regola per propria volontà. Le punizioni, ormai, sono l’ultima spiaggia, l’eccezione, nel momento in cui non è proprio possibile capirsi né accordarsi pacificamente.

Vi lascio con una riflessione: stiamo andando, veramente, nella direzione educativa giusta oppure sarebbe stato opportuno salvare qualcosa del metodo educativo tradizionale?

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