Alcune mamme arrivano da me preoccupate perché non riescono a gestire i loro figli nel momento, come lo definisco io, del “Mio, mio e solo mio!”.

L’egocentrismo, ovvero quella tendenza infantile, che si attesta intorno ai 18/24 mesi, a percepire se stessi come il centro del mondo intorno a cui gira tutto il resto, fu una tematica affrontata approfonditamente da Jean Piaget. Egli affermava che l’egocentrismo non fosse altro che l’incapacità del bambino di distinguere il suo punto di vista da quello degli altri: in sintesi parlare di cose soggettive come se fossero oggettive dando per scontato che la propria idea del mondo sia universale ed uguale per tutti.

Per spiegare meglio il concetto Piaget introduce il termine visione egocentricarelativo al periodo in cui il bambino inizia a capire che può pensare e volere, rafforzando il suo desiderio di essere indipendente dai genitori. Per attuare questo suo desiderio il bambino inizia ad appropriarsi, senza dividerle con i genitori, di quelle che ritiene essere sue esclusive proprietà.

Questo periodo è, in realtà, importante a livello di sviluppo emotivo e di crescita del bambino in quanto coincide con l’identificazione del sé, sviluppando il senso del possesso e della volontà di autoaffermarsi.

In particolare l’autoaffermazione porta all’uso sfrenato del pronome personale “io” e a quello della risposta, che tanto fa penare ogni genitore, “no” ad ogni domanda o proposta da parte della famiglia.

L’accanimento di tale comportamento è riferibile al fatto che, a quest’età, il distacco dalla figura materna, figura principale di accudimento, è ancora agli inizi in quanto il bambino continua a percepire ciò che lo circonda come un prolungamento del proprio essere.  Non sapendo come riuscire a staccare questo “cordone ombelicale” si accanisce imponendo il suo pensiero che, necessariamente, deve essere contrario a quello dei genitori.

Come devono comportarsi, quindi, i genitori?

Il mio consiglio è di ricorrere ad uno degli aspetti di quello che definisco “patto educativo”: i genitori devono far capire al bambino, con fermezza e dolcezza, che anche loro hanno degli oggetti personali e che, prima di farglieli utilizzare (solitamente cellulare e computer oltre che oggetti personali) deve chiedere il permesso, così come faranno loro con gli oggetti del bambino. Contestualmente di fronte al rifiuto del bambino di prendere le sue cose, sempre con fermezza, gli andrà detto che, se non vuole che loro tocchino i giochi, allora li dovrà rimettere a posto da solo, così come i genitori fanno con le loro cose.

A livello sociale sarà proprio il periodo del nido, o comunque di interazione con il gruppo dei pari, che questo comportamento subirà, per forza di cose, un mutamento. Il bambino si troverà a dover gestire i primi momenti di frustrazione dovuti al rifiuto di altri bambini, dovrà imparare che per vivere in un gruppo si devono rispettare delle regole e che, se vorrà imporre le proprie, si ritroverà da solo. Pianti di rabbia e delusione in questa fase rappresentano strumenti di crescita.

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