Mi capita spessissimo, nella mia attività di consulenza pedagogica sulle relazioni educative, di ascoltare e, di conseguenza, supportare con incontri specifici, delle mamme lavoratrici che si sentono in colpa per non ritenersi adeguate a gestire correttamente il famiglia, il lavoro e l’educazione dei figli.

Si sentono in colpa per quella che considerano “assenza”, per non avere mai il tempo sufficiente per tutto, perché temono che ciò che fanno non sia mai abbastanza, mamme sempre con la smania di pensare a tutto, farsi carico di tutto.

Questo sentimento le pervade nonostante, ormai, noi donne ci siamo liberate dall’imperativo radicale di scegliere tra la maternità ed il lavoro inteso non solo come forma di indipendenza economica ma anche di crescita personale.

In sintesi le donne, ormai, lavorano per volere oltre che per necessità ed hanno, comunque, figli. In ogni caso continuano ad addossarsi  un sovraccarico di lavoro che non è riconosciuto né dalla società, né completamente dalla famiglia e, a volte, neanche da loro stesse.

Il senso di colpa è un disagio reale, lo ammetto, perlopiù radicato nelle donne oppure indotto da uno stile di vita che richiede il massimo alle donne. In ogni caso questo sentimento di inadeguatezza si può superare con creatività attraverso delle adeguate strategie comportamentali, già dai primi giorni di vita del figlio.

La prima cosa da fare è costruire, intorno al bambino, da subito, instaurando rapporti chiari sul “chi fa che cosa”, una rete affettiva che abitui le mamme a delegare e a condividere con altri, oltre che con il padre del bambino (nonni e/o familiari e/o amici stretti ma anche insegnanti), la crescita del proprio figlio.

Basta con quella che amo definire la sindrome di “Wonder Woman”! Imparando a delegare alcuni compiti a persone fidate è possibile conciliare maternità e lavoro.

E’ sufficiente lasciare ai bambini il loro ruolo di “costrittori” nel far rallentare i ritmi delle giornate per recuperare l’emisfero umano e sentimentale, perché il tempo non scorra via velocemente perdendo i momenti più belli della crescita di un figlio.

E’ chiaro che questo articolo contiene dei consigli generici in quanto l’argomento, così delicato e profondo, va affrontato “ad personam” sulla base delle reali necessità di una mamma.

171 Commenti

  1. Questo pensiero credo Ale che ce l’hanno tutte le mamme, io l’anno scorso mandavo il piccolo Tommaso al nido a Parco Leonardo perché abitando li non avevo scelta, lo andavo a prendere verso le 17:30 dalla mattina alle 8:15. Lui stava benissimo Anzi lo portavo via con fatica ma il mio senso di colpa non mi abbandonava. Erano comunque tante ore lontane da me che invece avrei voluto tanto passare insieme a lui. Ora mi trovo ad affrontare la terza gravidanza Tommaso va alla materna fino all’una poi il pomeriggio sta con me al lavoro Ora me l’hanno preso a tempo pieno fino alle 16:30 per una questione organizzativa per me è perfetto Mi dispiace tanto per lui però di tenerlo fino alle 16:30. Come hai scritto bene tu mi sembra sempre di avere poco tempo per loro e il poco tempo che ho Ti giuro mi Scapicollo per passarlo il più possibile insieme. Devo lavorare,come tutti,e quando invece mi chiedono di stare a casa e non posso mi sento male… Non vorrei perdermi neanche un minuto di loro!! mamma “wonder woman ”

  2. E’ proprio per sollevare noi mamme da questa sensazione di “presunta” colpa che ho scritto l’articolo. Grazie della riflessione mamma Wonder Woman!

  3. Da mamma lavoratrice capisco benissimo come ci si sente….conciliare lavoro e famiglia è una delle cose più difficili del mondo ma è una sfida che deve essere possibile.
    L’importante è poter scegliere

    • Mi piace molto la tua frase finale che racchiude il senso di ogni madre lavoratrice. E’ vero, è importante poter scegliere! Grazie della riflessione.

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